Tuesday, July 8, 2008


Did you ever get the feeling that no matter what you do effects your day to day transactions? Like for instance your snide comment about something/someone all of the sudden came back at you in another form?
I am terrified of this.
I am a good person. (I think I am.)
Yeah some days I get frustrated and perhaps voice concerns a wee bit more than I should, but who doesn't? Does that make me a bad person?
I am sickly optimistic because I think that looking to the bright side will help remind me of all the good things in life rather than focusing on the negative moments... And I have so many wonderful things in my life. So why does it seem that sh*t always comes my way? Is it because I have learned how to deal with the stress? (HELLO... MOMO pregnancy last year as an example.) Because I really haven't.

Can't I look up to the sky and yell.. "OK.. I have had enough now, maybe you could send some stress another way?" <--Well obviously not, because we all know that the Man upstairs makes the decisions, and I am ok with that. (Maybe it doesn't sound like I am right at this moment.. But I am.) I KNOW there is a reason that everything happens in life. Perhaps I won't see the reasoning now or maybe I never will (which urkes me that much more).

I'm just stuck at the moment. Stuck.

Perhaps it is my fault? Maybe its not good enough to just BE a good person. Maybe there is more to the task of Being good? Who can say?! This is my rant for the night. I will get over it. I always do. Life throws us curve balls and we just have to readjust our stance.

Only during hard times do people come to understand how difficult it is to be master of their feelings and thoughts. - Anton Pavlovich Chekhov


Anonymous said...

Sounds like you are having a bad day well hold in there it will pass I know that I have been through enough to make it last a life time.. If you need someone to talk with i am always around !! Hope tomorrow will hold better things for you... Holly

Claremont First Ward said...

Oh no. Sounds like your horoscope screwed you over yesterday. Just kidding. But seriously, I hope today is a better day! :)

Tracy said...

Girl - I am LIVING that right now - and there isn't even that much stress or trauma going on - just the normal every day with 5 girls stuff. but, man - it gets O-L-D! I've taken off the pressure of trying to be good & just the task of pleasing God & God alone.

Debra said...

I totally get where you are coming from. Sometimes I just want to scream LEAVE ME ALONE! It seems like once we have lived through and conquered one stress (having the twins) another thing happens (selling our house for a 5 digit loss that we now have a loan for). I am like... WHAT NEXT? I hope you feel better tomorrow!!

Connie said...

Hope you're feeling better!!